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13 How Can I Release Negative Patterns?
Four Steps of Acknowledgment . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Nine Steps toward Recovery . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..
1—Will . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . All
numbers will soon be available in print and E-book
2—Image . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
3—Feelings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..
4—Discipline . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
5—Play . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
6—Responsibility . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
7—Intuition . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
8—Authority and Power . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
9—Release . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . .Preview
Does Love Heal All? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . .
If You’re Not Ready to Love, Try Humor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
There is a lot of information in this
volume that is related to dysfunction and the negative dark side. I have included
this because, while practicing as a psychotherapist along with intuitive
counseling, I have come to realize that most of human behavior is more
dysfunctional than healthy.
These patterns are presented in hopes that
with recognition comes resolution. We live to a large extent unconsciously
ignorant of so many hidden negative ego patterns. Eventually events introduce
us to someone or something that wakes us up and encourages us to make changes.
The numbers that you have chosen can help you to see yours more astutely. It is
my wish that the writing in this book helps the reader recognize your own
pattern of denial. If you have reached that point, you will find in this
chapter some suggested guidelines to facilitate your transformation into conscious
awareness. You then may want to pass on your discovery to other seekers.
A. Four Steps
of Acknowledgement
1. The first major step has begun. Whatever
casual interest you had when you opened the book might not have been enough by
itself to bring you to this page. As you start to acknowledge to yourself that
your life has been negatively impacted by dysfunctional behavior patterns, it
is not so difficult to realize that you have been living in denial for a good
portion of your life. Once say that you are doing so, you can start to release
the bondage of survival and start to live.
2. Commit to personal growth and change that
will benefit and fulfill you. There are numerous avenues of growth available to
the committed seeker. As a part of this step you must also realize that you
cannot do it all alone. We can benefit by having the insight of others so that
we can recognize what is unconscious within us. You will benefit from a solid
support group or, if you choose, a professional therapist/counselor.
Many people try to go through this process
alone, and while it is not totally impossible to do so, it is a very harsh and
slow path to take. Through honest searching and inner trust, you can bring up
many of the issues. Through the act of grace and application of tenants of deep
spiritual faith, forgiveness, acceptance and trust you can release many of the
negative influences.
Perhaps the most powerful support group
consists of trusted friends with whom you can openly and candidly share your
once hidden issues. It can be invaluable to share experiences with other
seekers who have faced the same issues and can in return share you their
recipes for cleansing the negative and learning to live an enriched life.
3.
When the time comes you may want to carefully seek out a
counselor/therapist/facilitator that suits your needs. It could benefit you to
choose one who has a background of working with children of alcoholism,
addiction, codependency and/or any forms of abuse. Virtually every professional
specializing in counseling/therapy has come from a family of dysfunctional
personal circumstances. It can be essential to work with one who has faced
his/her own personal "stuff".
Progress will not be as efficient if the professional is hiding from as
much or more negative issues as you are. Once under way, you may benefit from
group work or a pattern of sharing with trusted friends who are also dealing
with their issues in a healthy way.
4. In this step you will experience the stages
of forgiveness, self-acceptance, recovery of self-esteem, and reframing of
values. Where guilt and doubt once ruled, positive action can take their place.
This process can take years, and sometimes it seems like eternity. Patience can
be a virtue, and each step of process can bring such satisfaction that just
taking each day at a time provides more than enough motivation to carry on the
journey.
Following are further numerologically
inspired guidelines that can provide you with further assistance toward a solid
strategy of recovery.
B. Nine
Steps Toward Recovery
Listed below you will find further
elaboration upon how numerical cycles can be incorporated into further stages
of stages of recognition and release of negative patterns in your life. After
recognizing the negative patterns you can choose to remain a victim of previous
unconscious patterns, or you can choose to become a conscious master of your
life events and domain.
The general topic of addiction,
codependency and dysfunction is blessed with a plethora of information
regarding techniques for uncovering hidden issues and processing them out of
your life. Therefore, emphasis throughout this volume is to identify the deeper
spiritual and cosmological implications of disorder along with the traditional
family therapy modalities. This information will hopefully enable you, the
reader, to determine a course of personal action for your own growth.
.
9 Release
I was going to use the word
"surrender" instead of "release" for this section. But
surrender might sound too much like military defeat to the prideful children of
dysfunction. It speaks of weakness and final failure. Of course, that is not
the point I want to make here. Instead, think of release in terms of acceptance.
Once you can simply accept yourself just as you are, you take charge of the
issues. With the appropriate follow-up efforts on your part, many of the
unconscious negative issues tend to almost take care of themselves.
Release in this context simply means the
willingness to let go of negative patterns accumulated through eons of
evolutionary growth. This objective
purity of a higher and wider level of perception cannot be achieved all at
once. The path of growth is a flowing,
rhythmic process. But progress can be faster than people sometimes believe.
"Let go and let God," says the
primer of Alcoholics Anonymous and other recovery or positive-thinking
organizations. Let the Spark in you reignite into a radiant light. Remember
that light illuminates and dissolves the shadow. You will come to see yourself
for all that you are and then you can grow to become all that you can be.
Release can mean letting go of the toxic
foods and liquids we put into our body. It can include releasing negative
emotions, fear, guilt and shame from the emotional body. It can include letting
go of negative thought patterns from our mental body. And it also includes
releasing negative spiritual beliefs and dogma that has clouded our mind and
prevented us from receiving the higher truths that come into our world from the
universal mind on high.
The process of releasing can be made easier
as we consciously grasp the reality of our identity in the expanded dimensions
of our existence. From the personality level we feel entrapped, victimized, and
limited. As we start to reconnect to the
soul awareness, we see our experience as an integral and wonderful drama of
self-learning. We can start to accept the experience just as it is. We accept
forgiveness of self and release the need to repeat such past behavior. Then we
accelerate the process of integration.
As we more consciously accept our inner
identity and reconnect to our Spark (called by some Higher Self), we start to
consciously recognize the universal drama unfolding from a higher vantage point
of vision. We then can see our part more clearly. From that vantage we can
reach even greater acceptance of our self, and of our brothers and sisters who
are also on the same evolutionary path.
With deeper bonding to our core or
essence, we start to see the humor, paradox, irony, and sublime intent in our
life. To develop wholesome humor is to make a step in the right direction. To
grasp cosmic humor is an even more rewarding stage of expansion. An
unmistakable new joy and enthusiasm starts to permeate our life. From the very
core of our being we truly begin to radiate clear reflections of our Source.
You can learn to embrace every single
experience just as it has happened, and you will then come to appreciate that
even the darkest steps were steppingstones on your path to awakening the
knowledge of your true Self. If you hide from the negatives of the past, you
will repeat the negatives in the present. If you have learned from them, you no
longer need to repeat them. It is at that point in your journey you become much
more effective helping others along their way. It is up to you if you choose to
become a co-creator in the universe and contribute to the blessings and
abundance of life in this and in all worlds.
C. Does Love Heal It All?
Love is a powerful remedy for the woes of
life on our planet. Children of dysfunction often have more struggle than the
rest of society with the concept and fulfillment of love. Despite the multitude of spoken and written
teachings about love and how to love, we struggle through life's issues in non
loving ways.
It is inherent in every living creature to
want love. Sometimes the compulsive drive for love attracts us to impractical
attempts to find ideal love. We reach for and strive to find and to have love.
However, in a cosmic sense that is pointless because is always present--Love
just IS. It struggles not, searches not,
and suffers not--because Love just is.
When we left the cosmic womb as
divine sparks there was an illusion of separation took place within the
departing sparks and they polarized and experienced duality. In our human form
this duality manifests itself in many ways: good-evil, night-day, birth-death,
male-female, and so on. As humans we look for love in the pursuit of a
relationship with another person. There is the vain hope that the other partner
will complete us and we will be loved. Modern literature and drama are fixated
upon finding romantic love as the source of our happiness and completion. We act out this perennial search over and
over in our relationship with others.
After
the illusion of separation took place human beings started to experience the
forces of will and the influences of wisdom creating competition and confusion
in relationship to love. Ego, pride and the negative side effects of evolution
drastically distorted the perception of love. A negative after effect of the
separation was the polarization that over time resulted in men and women
finding them selves at odds, and in competition with each other. They fought,
warred and created bitter rivalries for eons to come. This resulted in creating
intense and divisiveness and competitiveness between the two sexes. The memories
of these battles are still locked into the negative anima and animus of the
species. Evolutionary memory of this
struggle is in the consciousness of the soul. Soul memory projects through our
anima-animus to influence the ways we relate to both men and women.
The anima is
our portal to the Divine Mother. All of the feminine archetypes are stored
there as well as much of the potential and power of the feminine polarity. In
modern day context the anima of the child is heavily biased by the influence of
the mother (and grandmothers) and her self perception as a woman. This includes
all of her positive and negative traits.
The animus is
our portal to the Divine Father. All of the masculine archetypes are stored
there as well as much of the potential and power of the masculine polarity. In
modern day context the animus of the child is heavily biased by the influence of the father (and grandfathers) and his self
perception as a man. This includes all of his positive and negative traits.
A great deal of what we conceptualize as
love is actually a long way from true loving. Romantic literature and music
endlessly repeat the perils inherent in romantic love. Falling in love is
largely the projection of anima-animus upon another person, the "loved one."
She or he is seen as possessing qualities that mother or father was not able to
provide during childhood. We expect and desire the loved one to make us happy,
perhaps even to the point of being our salvation.
So we project an ideal image of what we
need from them, and in so doing we fail to connect with them as they really
are. No one can live up to the idealized expectations of a negative
anima-animus projection because no one is perfect. One reason why this is true
is because the projection is usually based in negative neurotic needs rather
than from a loving state of consciousness. Very
soon the loved one is seen as imperfect, not "the person I thought you
were." Disappointment and
disillusionment set in and the disappointed seeker starts to blame the object
of the projection for not living up to his/her expectations.
It is usually in that moment when the
struggling child of dysfunction starts to play the familiar games of anger,
blame and resentment just like old times at home watching mommy and daddy.
Anima-animus projection is also falling in love with something within another
person that we cannot claim in ourselves. A man looks for his own femininity
through the women in his life. A woman seeks her own maleness from
relationships with men. But the completion of the balance cannot come from
outside. It only can take place from within our self.
As we begin to integrate and nurture the man
and woman within we the make fewer and less powerful ego demands upon the
partner. As we become more whole, we attract a partner who is more whole.
Consequently, we are better able to attract a partner who is compatible and a
complement to our true nature. As two
whole people, we can joyfully share our lives and the things we have in common,
rather than spend all of the time making demands and competing for attention
from each other.
I
am convinced at this moment of understanding (subject to change upon
enlightenment) that love is not an emotion. It is much more than that. The
ecstasy, euphoria, and delight of being "in love" are artifacts of
anima-animus projection. It is the product of adrenaline and three chemicals in
the brain that have gone wild. These three emotions accompany the illusion that
wholeness can be reached through external sources. Love is not a feeling. It
just is. We, in fact, go through a spectrum of wonderful feelings just having
acted in a loving way or having received loving attention. Love just is. It is
natural; it is obvious. It IS. The act of love can be seen as an action. In
loving you are committing yourself to an action which is considerate of the
loved one as well as your self.
Far
too much of what we call "giving love" is merely exchanging or
bartering something to get back what we think we need. True loving is not done
out of neurotic ego need. A loving action is one which strengthens the loved
one's will and security. The act facilitates the recognition and acceptance of
their Divine image. It allows true expression of feelings and intimacy. It
accepts one's disciplines and allows play. True loving allows the loved one to
take responsibility for self; it honors intuition and supports inner authority.
A person truly loved is free from any obligation to the lover.
A person in balance is free to love and be
loved in all these features. Loving
actions are possible for those people who love themselves, accept themselves
for what they are and allow themselves to simply "be."
D. IF You’re Not
Ready to Love--Try Humor
So Okay--you have read and digested the
chapter on the description of love. You say, "All that sounds very
possible and wonderful, but what if I'm still into self-pity, anger, or just
plain ornery?” Well, the last door
available in this book opens to the absurdity of life's travails. You might try
laughing.
To repeat once more, this too, is very
difficult for children of dysfunction. We take life and ourselves too
seriously. It’s hard to laugh when you are holding so much hurt inside. One of
the classic responses in a dysfunctional family is for one of the children to
take on the role of mascot. He or she is stuck in the role of clown or cut-up,
and is expected to use charm and levity to distract attention away from the
real stress in the environment. The humor is tinged with sadness and a
sarcastic edge as the child grows older. This is neither the type nor source of
humor to be encouraged.
I'm referring to a deeper and much healthier
form of humor. As an illustration, let me relate a personal instance. I
remember one of the most healing therapy sessions I've experienced. The counselors had pushed pretty hard into my
shadow space to uncover some painful issues of pride, shame, anger and
self-deceit. We tried acting out, gestalt techniques, forgiveness, and numerous
dialogues with self. The ego stubbornly held on to my denial and lack of
willingness to face the issues that had been uncovered.
Within the frustration, confusion, and
self-judgment of the moment, I heard a tremor of laughter begin deep down near
my solar plexus. As it came forth from my body, it seemed to somehow be beyond
me or apart from my intention or control. The laughter simultaneously felt
boundless, timeless, and momentous. It seemed to be emanating from the depths of
soul, as if a cosmic joke were being revealed to a part of me that could laugh
even while my angry and defiant personality would not let go of the revealed
negative issues.
I suddenly and uncontrollably burst into
prolonged, joyous, spontaneous laughter. The total humanness of the moment was
refreshing. The two counselors and I were rolling around the room in tears of
laughter as the revelation of absurdity, folly, irony, and paradox merged into
a loving and forgiving moment of healing and transformation. That was a major
breakthrough in my consciousness.
In that moment I glimpsed how fully our
Source, lesser deities and angels on high must roll around in the clouds with
total laughter from their observations of all of the antics, frailties and
follies of humanity. The laughter of that day came as though it were a gift
from the One. It was as if in that moment of balance and love an external
perspective allowed me to joyously appreciate myself and all Creation just as
it is. An entirely new door was opened for me in my experience of life.
At the moment we find that point of
balance and connection to our Divine Spark, it is possible to glimpse the
silly, crazy, magical, perverse, sublime, ridiculous, wonderful, and
paradoxical nature of our humanness without judgment.
The folly and absurdity of our human
condition was seen not from judgment but from spontaneity and awareness of the
sublime humor in the human condition. During that brief glimpse of infinite
harmony, all the illusion of strife, sorrow, pain, and anger disappeared. The
separation from self was seen for the illusion it is. Love allows laughter. And
the converse also holds true. Laughter can release the blocks that prevent us
from loving.
The disarming and healing nature of humor
is well documented. It lightens heartfelt burdens, removes false pretenses,
releases tension, discharges conflict, and promotes new self-awareness. It is
one certain way to encourage healing and harmony. The nature of the Divine
Spark in man is to express itself through laughter, mirth, lightness, and
spontaneity. Give yourself permission to let your lightness shine forth. Be
with people who also give both themselves and you permission to have fun.
Mankind has been buried in the darkness and
shadow side for eons of time. We stagger under the self-imposed burden of guilt
and despair at having human foibles. Ah, self-judgment again! We hide from our
dark side. It has been big business for certain leaders through the ages to
manipulate our guilt and denial. Through increased self-control and
manipulation of fear and guilt and shame, both collectively and individually,
healing humor has become rare and difficult to bring forward. Humor is discouraged
in repressive societies because it so frequently reveals the foibles of the
ruling class.
Many religious, philosophical, and
therapeutic strategies are available for facing the shadow. They boil down, in
essence, to the theory that we can love, confront, and forgive our demons of
darkness. Each has its merit. In total awareness all three are probably
essential. Each child of a shamed-based family must find the most appropriate
path. I believe that a healthy sense of humor can facilitate any and all modern
strategies.
A dear friend and spiritual teacher of
mine tells shared the story of one encounter with her own shadow demons. During
a meditative state she experienced the presence of a huge, malevolent, hideous,
monstrous entity within herself. She was
momentarily overwhelmed by the horror in her vision, unable to face its
awfulness with composure. She went into terror, weakness, and doubt, all the
while seeking an effective defensive posture. Moments passed without solution;
she was unable to dispel or face this vision. It grew and came nearer.
Just as it reached its largest size, too
near now to avoid in any way, she found herself breaking into a childlike
giggle. The presence seemed startled and
simply shrank to a manageable size. In that moment of innocent laughter she was
able to accept the presence for just what it was--without fear and without
judgment. Her life from that moment on was a quickened journey toward
reintegration and reconnection to her Source.
Perhaps herein lies a major key to the
process of reintegration with our Source. That is, to face our demons of
darkness with laughter. Not the laughter
of arrogance, self-righteousness, and conceit, but the laughter of merriment, innocence,
and acceptance from the Child within.
Underneath every child of dysfunction is a
Child of GOD.