SURREAL PREDICTIONS For 2004-and beyond
For a touch of whimsy, levity and satirical brevity.
After years of indecision and vacillation Brett Favre signs a contract as spokesman for Waffle House.
Barry Soetorro (aka: Barack Obama) is interrupted on his flight to receive the Nobel Peace Prize when his battle commanders in the four different wars that he is commanding? call to say they are experiencing huge civilian and troop losses.
During July Al Gore is caught in a summer snow storm in
Barry Soetorro, aka: Barack Obama, aka:
Harrison J Bounel?, aka:
Frank Marshall Davis Jr.?, aka:
The United States supreme court takes more steps toward religious equality by making it mandatory that all CD's with Christmas Carols must also contain Muslim chants, Hanukah songs, Mormon tidings from their scrolls found in Antarctica, Buddhist affirmations, Hindu chants, Taoist quotations and Atheist poetry.
The EPA passes a law requiring all citizens to wear a breatholator which measures the amount of air consumed. If you use more than your quota the Air Police will arrest you and take you to a Breathatoreum. The length of impounding is proportionate to the excess amount used.
Archeologists discover a 2,000,000 year old body in
Preliminary rounds of competition for the 2012 Olympics begin in September 2008 in order to have time to determine the final contestants for the 10,788 different sporting events that will be offered.
In Oslo, the Norwegian government declares Russia a territory of Norway when it is acknowledged that the earliest organizing Russian ruler was a Viking.
The NBA announces it's new hoops schedule for the coming season. The playoff series will each be the best of 21 games. The Championship game will be played two days before the start of the following season.
The Japanese sushi market goes into a huge decline when a fish in
President Bush will give a pardon to a white house aid explaining that he was concerned that if everyone considered the man guilty, it would lead to the fact the president was a part of the plot. This way, Bush said that he figured pretty soon everyone would forget about the whole thing.
An eastern state in all of its legal glory will pass a law making it illegal for Santas to say ho, ho, ho, because it reflects derogatorily upon female black Americans. Ohio follows quickly making it illegal to say hi to anyone because it could make Japanese women appear submissive. Louisiana then makes it illegal to say wee, wee since it might confuse the French with toilets. Soon thereafter the supreme court abolishes all forms of honky tonk music since the whole genre is thought to reflect derisively upon Caucasian diction.
An American family, whose son is killed while participating in a gang war gunfight, sues China for inventing gunpowder. They win a $100,000,000,000 settlement.
While attending lunch with the Alcoholic Counselors Association of France, the French minister of Health makes a public announcement to the nation that alcoholism is probably a greater problem in France than previously believed. In anger, each participating member protests by throwing 8 wine glasses, 4 liqueur glasses and 6 champagne glasses at him from his/her table setting.
Americans are appalled when a mixed team of Russian, Italian and German commandos invade a missile base in Colorado and find Weapons of Mass Destruction.
After their amazing 9/11 feat of reporting the collapse of WTC building 7 before it happened, FOX news is setting up a department that will report the news one year in advance of its occurrence.
OJ Simpson is denounced for murdering an unauthorized rendition of an Elvis Presley hit song "Jailhouse Rock".
The Food and Drug Administration takes a natural herb remedy for cancer off of the market because the herb works without having any side effects.
A Bush administration aid is laid off after releasing a public announcement that contains only truthful statements.
Ad seen in the near future. "If you have been to a doctor within the last ten years, you may be eligible to help us earn billions as a result of Medicus Pharmsuticus Conspiracus Suffering Body Syndrome (MPCSBS)". The Law firm of Parasitis, Exploitus, Deceptis and Predatory will get ourselves as much as we can from your suffering.
Former president Bill Clinton joins a 12 step self-help group of Liars Anonymous. He angers the group at the first meeting by violently arguing over the definition of the second word in the group motto "Tell the Truth."
The famous Broadway play "Jesus Christ Superstar" is revived and Mike Tyson gets the leading role.
A World Wide Professional wrestling champion has to return his belt when he is caught departing from his script and using a real wrestling hold he picked up from an Olympic Greco-Roman wrestler.
The Department of Homeland Security places a ban upon singing "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" when it is determined that the demand "now bring us the Christmas pudding" is considered a terrorist threat.
Al Gore's son Al Gore II and George Bush's daughters meet at an Addictions Anonymous meeting where they become caught up in a love triangle.
Great Britain moves to the forefront for the "Orwellian" trophy by approaching the most efficient police state in the 21st century world. The United States asks for "Orwellian" advisors in an effort to catch up. Meanwhile Russia, China and other dictatorships closely monitor GB's progress while organizing spy rings to learn the hidden techniques.
The American broadcasting media makes a collective agreement to identify and eliminate bias in its reporting. The campaign is so successful the entire industry goes off the air.
An invading army crosses the Bering Strait and captures Alaska's oil fields. Local residents form militias and fight to defend their land. They are labeled terrorist insurgents by the press and bombed by UN forces.
Canada, the United States of America, New Zealand, India and Australia petition Great Britain to be restored as colonies.
Admiral Byrd emerges from a hole in the South Pole with a rich sun tan and stories of an inner earth world.
When an earth radio beam bounces off of their 500,000,000 billion year old planet, a group of extraterrestrials decide to have a party and celebrate that they have been "discovered".
A couple in Oregon build a wooden deck over their entire 3 acre lawn when they are told by state authorities that they can not walk on the lawn because it might disturb the earthworms.
After slipping on some ice, a
The ESPM, POX Sports, AFLAK, Allstatus 2007-2008 Top Ten Final Football Poll: (1)Kansas (2)Missouri (3)USC (4)WVU (5)LSU (6)Georgia (7)Hawaii (8)VirTech (9)Boise State (10)BYU
The ESPM, POX Sports, AFLAK, Allstatus 2008-2009 Top Ten Final Football Poll: (1)Utah (2)USC (3)Florida (4)Texas (5)Boise State (6)Penn State (7)Oklahoma (8)Oregon (9)TCU (10) Cincinnati
The ESPM, POX Sports, AFLAK, Allstatus 2009-2010 Top Ten Final Football Poll: (1)Boise State (2)Alabama (3)TCU (4)Texas (5)Florida (6)Cincinnati (7) Utah (8) BYU(9) Ohio State (10) Penn State
The ESPM, POX Sports, AFLAK, Allstatus
2010-2011 Top Ten Final Football Poll: (1)TCU (2)Stanford (3)Auburn (4)Oregon
(5)Boise State (6)Nevada (7)Oklahoma State (8)Ohio State (9)LSU (10) Tie 12
Teams
The ESPM, POX Sports, AFLAK, Allstatus 2011-2012 Top Ten Final Football Poll: (1)Oklahoma State (2)Alabama (3)Boise State (4)Houston (5)LSU (6)USC (7-10)Tie 14 Teams